Hey All

So you may be wondering what is going on in my life. I wonder the same thing. I am supossed to be with some that loves me, but he always seems angry. It feels like he hates me more than he loves me. When gets mad at others he takes it out on me. I hate feeling like this. I wish I did not love him so that it would not bother me as much, but I do. I see him slowly turning into David, my ex-, but there is nothing I can do. I am tired. Tired of the anger, and lies, and everything he gets jealous about. Seriously, if I wanted to cheat I could. It would not even be difficult. But I will not. I mean if I will not with him, why do it with anyone else? I wish that he understood that about me. I swear he is so self-absorbed. I hurt and he gets mad. Even if I am not blaming him for something he gets all defensive. I am just trying to talk to him. He asks me what is wrong then gets mad when I tell him. I hate to say it but if i wanted to be treated like this then I would go back to me nightmare of an ex-. I want to stay with him. Funny thing is if he reads this he will throw the attitude "well I will just leave you alone then." Which is not what he really wants, he just wants me to feel guilty. Why are not i allowed to get angry? Why cannot i blow off steam? Why does not he just love me?

In other news... Well my "good friend" just told me that he was married. I swear what is wrong with guys today? He says, "I did not mean to hurt you, and I do not want to lose you or your friendship." Reality check... I would have been his friend even though he was married! Why lie?!? Did he think he ever had the chance to get me in bed? Not this lifetime. I get my kicks above the waistline, Sunshine! The worse part of all of this is that he got his (now ex-) girlfriend, yes he had a girlfriend that never knew either, down here pregnant. Thank GOD that she lost the baby! My question is how was he going to explain the baby to his wife? For that matter he was engaged to her and said that he was going to move her down there with him (he's military stationed somewhere else)with him. What was going to happen? Walk through the door with he and say "Honey I'm home and I brought some help for you around the house (and me in the bed)!" Needless to say I am pretty pissed about the whole situation. I feel hurt and my trust is betrayed. The funny thing is that he gets mad at me about it. He is the one that needs a kick in the ass and he is mad at anyone? I swear i will never understand men...ever!

Back to my problem though. My friends would say get rid of him, I know them VERY well. However, I just am not ready to let him go. I know I would miss him terribly and the loneliness hurts worse than the bullshite I get. What now?