Hot Monkey Love! I found these guys just laying around on POK, thought I would share. Still LMAO

Ultimate Truth

Just when things are going good, it will be flash-flooded away. Well right now I either should be on the road with 4 others or on a bus or packing my bags and getting ready for a plane ride. However the four others bailed on me. They bailed the day before we were to leave. The price of the bus ticket was to higher, and noone had an extra car for me to drive myself. Noone could help with the plane ticket, even though I was told that I was going to get the help. So no Nationals for me. No Finland. No chance. Nothing. Once again my hopes are shattered. Nothing new. Oh well. Tis the story of my life. Oh well. Life will go on.

Why

I was asked, the other day, why I like to sing so much. At the time I said it was because I love to preform for other people and make them smile. Last night I realized that wasn't the case. I discovered that the only reason I sing is because that is the only time anyone listens to what I have to say. I tried talking to people the last few days, even some of my "friends," but noone was listening. They didn't even hear me. I walk around and nobody sees me. I have scared more than a few people with just standing still til they notced me. No matter what I do knows knows I exist. Until I sing. My voice actually touchs peoples hearts, but that is all that they see of me also. I am just a voice in the wind. Still noone sees me. I am invisable on stage as much as in life. I think that is the real reason I get mad if noone listens. I always thought it was just because that to totally ignor someone trying to sing that it was rude. No, it is because once again I am invisable. That is one reason I love my songs that I don't use a microphone for. It is a shock for them to hear me fill the room and not using a mic for assistance. It grabs attention. I used to think being invisable was great. I could do so much and noone knew. Now that I was people to see me, they don't. It has never matter how skinny I was or how fat I got. If I was slinky clothes or more clothes than a nun. I am invisable, and noone cares.

Site Updates

For all those that just ready the blogs you may not have noticed the changes to the left. If you look to the left you will see that I made a links section. Well left me give you a brief low down on what they are. Now all but one site interlock in a circle, of course I am talking about my geocities site. I have been too lazy to get around to linking it. So here we go, the 50 cent tour.

You are currently at Running Bafoot in the Dark a.k.a. My Diary. This is my personal side that I don't mind sharing with the world. I will share more about my feelings here than I will IRL, but then again IRL people don't accept that I have an opinion on anything. Isn't that messed up.

The World As I See It - My rant or article page. I write about issues that cross my mind. Amazingly yes, I have a mind. I just usually keep things to myself.

Poems of the Heart a.k.a. My Poetry page - self explainatory.

Lyrics for the Soul a.k.a. - My Lyrics page - celebety gossip, are you nuts? I know I make things incredibly simple. Then again there are some smart people who get confused. Make it so a 3rd grader can find the sites and still rocket scientist get lost.

Geocites - Well this is my first (actually second after geocites reformatted) pages. I have a collects of stories, some are true and others aren't. Just a little expression of myself. I mean I am no Homer but I like my stories and they are for me so.... I keep them.

Well that's all their is, for now. I am sure sooner or later I will expand it again, but not right now. Hope you enjoyed the tour and NO YOU DO NOT GET A REFUND. LOL. Have fun.

Those Burning Questions

So what intriges us so much when some says they need to tell you something, but can't right now. Why does that one thing they have not said yet become the ine thing you then have to know? Maybe it is a part of human nature. Maybe it is because the worse things come to mind and you need to disspell your own fears. Maybe it's a woman thing. Although it is fair to say that men have the same type of curiousity, just about different things.

My new friend says that he has something to tell me. Hmmmm. Now when a guy usually says he has something to tell me it usually consist of the following:

1. Oh yeah, by the way, I am married. I hope that does not change anything. (This one sucks because I don't like even to be friends with one of a married couple. I hate being dragged into fights).

2. Just to let you know, I now have a girlfriend so I can't talk to you in public or she will find us out. (Shit, if you are with the love of your life then why are/were you hitting on me?)

3. The doctors say it is_________. (Oh MY GOD, I want to be out the door before that line is filled in.)

Need I go on?

However, this isn't supposed to be that type of friend. Not like my bestfriend that turned on me when we really got close. So truthfully I am not sure what this "thing to tell (me)" could be about. Although my money is one of the above mentioned. I just can't decide between them. He told me he was single, so if he is as honest as I hope it is not door number one. A little less honest it may be door number two, because as we all know single does not mean he isn't dating someone (it just that sometimes it is worse to have a non-married friend with a girlfriend than a married friend & his wife). Door number three doesn't matter as long as it is not transmittable by casual contact.

So I have this laundry list of things it can be. I think I am more worried that it may be something like, "I was too scared to admit that I am gay. So stay away from me you hetro/bi fish." Which I never understood why some gay men hate women so very much. Although I don't really think that, I mean I have already asked the right questions. I guess I am afraid it will be something too shocking. Truly the only that would shock me at this point is a marriage purposal. ROTFLMAO!!! I mean come on. I would worry about it more because of the refusal to write it down except I know sometimes you just have to say things in person. Even if it is small, just so you can gauge the reaction and control the damage. OH GOD DOOR NUMBER TWO!

Well here is my thing, I trust someone until they lie to me. So I trust that he isn't going to say anything about a wife or girlfriend. I have been very honest with him. I mean why would I lie to someone that I am trying to make friends with?

However, my nature is to worry. I worry about people I like. I worry about my friends, and loved ones. When the war in Iraq started I was bad. When my friend got into a car accident that killed his friend in the car, I was a wreck. I have this motherly/nurturing streek that runs through me...it drives me crazy. I totally love my friends. Of course I have to think you are pretty great before I call you friend. Well I don't knoe where to end this. Sooooo.....

KWCUSA Update

Well as of yesterday I am in the national competition. So toward the end of May I will be in Washington State. Oh joy. I love to travel, but not with a bunch of people I don't know. Throw in the fact that I will be running against them and this will not be fun. Especially if I end up going to World competition and they don't. So this should get interesting.

Huh?

So I was trying to recover some of the poetry I have published on this one site, so I don't have to dig for the originals, and OMG I can't retreive them. That pissed me off. What's a girl to do? My first thought was "get laid," then I said "NO NO NO, what would a GIRL do?" Then I thought "get mad." Sometimes you have to think of something positive before angry. LOL. Of course anyone who knows me know that I got frustrated trying to find it then got angry but hey does neatness count? SO you are saying to yourself, is she drunk? or did Ross Perot take over her mind??? Sadly neither has happened yet so I have no excuss except that I am terribly bored and still haven't slept. Going on over 24 hours. OMG I NEED SLEEP!!! That isn't what's on my mind though. I have an interesting relationship with this guy. We have been on & off for 3 years. Now it is time to kinda move on and this is a small problem since we live together. Worse than being married. He said to me the other day that he want to start sleeping around, so of course I say, "Okay, only if I get to also." He said ok at first, then the thought hit him. He said, "Well if I don't feel comfortable with that then you have to stop." What-the-freak- ever!!! I said, "Well baby then I would need to make a few phone calls b/c it wouldn't be fair for you to be sleeping with a few people and when I finally decide to that you feel uncomfortable. I mean equality hun. However many peple that you sleep with I get to sleep with an equal number WITHOUT you getting mad." If he doesn't like it I guess that it isn't going to happen. I swear the nerve of that guy. Tell me that I can't do whomever I want, but he will? What is up with that? He just doesn't get the idea that it is a goose & gander thing. Why should I let him have fun if I can't? Not right in my opinion. Then again neither is the fact I won't be sleeping with anyone. I mean if I won't sleep with him after all this time, then why would I sleep with anyone else? I swear men think all women if not virgins are sluts. That is enough to piss me off there. I mean I already live under the stigmatism of living in a town where like 90+% of the females are whores. Living in a military/college town does not help. So most guys think automatically that you are easy when they meet you and you have to try to talk then down to the point that you are NOT going fuck them. Most guys won't even talk to you again. Not that that is a big loss. If I am good enough to fuck, then I am good enough to be with outside the bedroom, and if I am good enough to be a girl-friend then I am good enough to be your girlfriend. I think the quality of men have slipped a little. They expect such low morals and all from women. I think it shows how bad men have become too. Not that I don't understand, but maybe I shouldn't have to. Yes, one day I would love to meet the right kind of guy, but finding a man that is the right mix on naughty and nice like me is hard. Truly I do want a male version of me. Would be nice...lol He doesn't have to be exactl like but close to my personality so we can be friends when we are older, that would be nice. Good luck to me. LOL I may happen, probably not.

What's New Pussy Cat?

Not to much happening for the Val. I have made some new friends at a karaoke bar. LOL! Actually it is good. Now when I walk in I get the "Cheers Welcome," and the waitres/bartender knows what I want before I say it. The funny thing is that even though I have been hanging with some of these people for a bit now, I can't remember more than a few names.

First there is Mike, 23 year old USAF guy that sings mainly Marilyn Manson and other hard rock. He has a sweet tempermant that makes him easy to talk to. He has a playful side that I would love to learn about. Too bad he is in the military, they always leave too soon. Thank God for e-mail. He seems down to earth, but there is something about him that tells me there is more to him than I know, or what he says. My curiousity is peeked.

Then there is Vinny, 20'ish who is usually there with his girlfriend. Vinny looks middle eastern but I am not sure. He has Sinatra's voice though, and when he sings those old crooner songs it's not hard to fall in love with his voice. His girlfriend isn't much of a singer but he shy nature compliments his out-goingness in a way that is sweet and loving. Vinny is completely focused on her. From what she had told me, they were friends for two years and she wasn't interested in him at all before a few months ago when he finally summoned the courage to ask her out. Now she is completely in love whether she really knows it or not. She shows a tenderness in the way she is around him that says that this couple may actually last...as long as they don't get married.

Chico, 45 year old mexican man that loves to sing "Los Lonely Boys" songs. Sweetest guy you have ever met. I love to hang with him and his girlfriend when she is down here. I have never seen a man so in love with his woman. I hear wedding bells. I don't know if she is as crazy about him as he is about her, but then again I only talked with her for around 45 mins. She seems very sweet and definitely the typical black woman that I am used to knowing. Chico is the kind of man that likes to help out and is generally a nice guy. I know that he is a divorced man that does NOT get along with his ex-wife. Then again I do not know too many divorced people that do have a "good" relationship with their ex's. He seems to have a soft-heart and truly wants people to like him. Something says to me that he has had problems making friends in the past. Maybe not making so much as keeping. It is unfortunate that many people, even now days, have trouble with the color of someone's skin. It should be a person's personality that should drive you away, not color. Of course that is not exactly how the world always works. I guess I am lucky that most people have always thought I was white.

Chris, A.K.A. the Russian(he is not Russian, he just drinks White Russians), seems nice but doesn't talk to much to me. He seems rather shy. OH NO, that means he must be the serial killer of the group. Watch out for the nice, but shy ones girls. Personally, I would rather have a man that is up-front and honest, unafraid to tell me the truth even though it may hurt. That is a rare thing these days.

Steve, who actually looks Russian, seems to be around 30-35 yo. Seems military, and has a Gomer Pile sense of humor that most can enjoy. I would wager in his daytime life that he has to be very authoritative and commanding. Best bet that he is an sergeant, that has to hold in a lot. That is why he goes a little wacky when he goes out. Seems good hearted with a dark side. Something behind those eyes say DON'T PISS HIM OFF. I still need to talk to him more before I can really say what I think about him.

There is a guy in that is in the group that is married and his wife and him are always there together. I can't help but stare b/c he is a dead ringer for Colin Mochrie from Whose Line Is It Anyway. It is almost freaky the similarities, down to his sense of humor. Needless to say he is a class clown and fun to hang around. His wife on the other hand is his sober companion. She is adorable though. In a way they are opposites but they blend so well. I tried talking with her tonight and she did open up a bit, but something tells me she is closed off for a reason.

Then there are a pair of black guys in the group that remind me of my friends from when I was a kid. Funny guys that seem a little oreo if you know what I mean, but not in a bad way. They fit into the group well and bring a home-like humor that I have missed. One of them sang Mandy tonight. He didn't know how it went either. It was hysterical. Their song style revolves around pop, with a little rap.

In all the group is well rounded in itself, then we have me. I can be such a social chameleon. I have a way to get along with all types of people and find ways to relate that I am an oddity. I do not think people get how I am. I can be a bit wild and outrageous, but then be shy and quite. I think the worse part is when I am more me than anything. I am open and up-front. I am not shy about myself and feel that there is no reason to hide what you feel or want. I tend to be out-spoken in this fashion. I have to curb my tongue because most are not as uninhibited as me. Any subject from sex to politics I am not afraid to share my views. However there are things that are best left to not saying except to close friends. Somewhere in the middle of all of it I do see a balance. I think that is my greater acheivement. I found balance to how I am. It brings a small bit of inner peace to know yourself. Lord knows I have searched for who I am for so long. The only thing that is nice is when I see how much I have developed from a bud to a magnificant flower. I am not saying I am all that, but I am happy to see a growth in myself. LOL Here I am going on about myself. But you know I do not really think about myself often. I think that you should write about yourself once in a while to see how much you have changed, see what is the same, see what you need to work on, and see what needs to be worked on more.

Update on KWCUSA State finals

I still have not picked a song! No song means no costume. I am really in a crunch since it is tomorrow! I guess I know what I will be doing tonight. Finding a costume that will match a few songs so that I am free to do as I wish. Truthfully I am happy just to make it to State. Making it to Regionals would be nice, but I am happy where I am. I really don't have the extra money involved to travel to Nationals or the World Championship. So I guess that State or Regionals will do for me. It has been worth my time and energy. It makes me proud to see all these years of sing have not been in vain. Even more, it makes me feel good to know that my High School choir director (Mr. Weigle) was completely WRONG about my talents. Zero for two, Mr Weigle. Maybe you need to be more careful about what you say about people. Some gave up, Jaime and I proved you wrong. Ahhh feels better.


DISCLAIMER:
Remember all comments are only my opinion, I can be wrong.

P.S.

If you are looking for my articles they have moved to my new blog site:

The World As I See It

Enjoy the written articles there. This is only a diary now.

Life is a Cabaret

So I know I have been bad about writing ("I'm sorry." as she cowares in a corner), but I actually have an excuse. I have been trying to have a normal life. Not that normal is all that great. Nor is my life right now. STRESS STRESS STRESS!!! Well I have been moving so that sux. Finally got back online, YES! Then in the middle of it I entered the KWCUSA karaoke contest, not knowing exactly what is was. I thought oh, karaoke contest, let's do something different! Well I was happy to win First place in the qualifing round, GO ME! Then I found out I was going to West Texas Area Finals. OK a little more pressure. I practice all week what I wanted to do, showed up & saw I was the only one in custom. AND MESSED UP MY SONG...and made third place!!! LOL. SO now I am heading to State, which is May 7th. If I make it past that, then off to Regionals on May 8th. After that is Nationals, to compete for a spot on Team USA that goes to Finland in June (?), on May 27th - 28th. So I have to learn two new songs in a week just in case I go to Regional. Truthfully I am very excited. Well I will update later.