Waking Up Alone

You even have a gnawing in your stomach. Well I do. It's bad. In my email I got to reciept for my Valentine's Day postcard to Stone. I wonder if he did that on purpose. He knows that I always have a receipt sent, but he just has to open it first. So the question lies has he just now opened to make me think that he finally has gotten online (knowing that I when I blow up on him that that is a way yo get me to talk to him again) or has he just waited to open it? He knows me too well. He is the only person I have really let in. He knows that I cannot stay mad if I think that he just hasn't been able to get online to send anything to me. However the logical side of me states that if he really did go back to college he has free access, and has just decided to now let me know he is around to that I will come running back. As much as he knows that I love him and want to be with him, I will stay away. As much as the question burns for an answer... I must hold out. As much as it tortures me. I must hold on. Things were going fine til today. I wasn't thinking of him so much and working on erasing him my mind. Although I were the cross, mainly I have wore it so long that I feel naked without it. I even thought about sending him all his pics or burn them even. Yet I realized that that would be stupid. He was a part of my life and will always be a part of my heart, though I dare not speak of it. His departure does not change my plans for my life. Although it may have changed where I start it again. I hate to lose such a close friend, but the heartbreak of his carelessness is to overbaring on me. I miss him dearly though. I sometimes wonder what he would say if he ever came upon this. Probably laugh at my foolishness. After all any feelings to him are foolishness. I would rather be a fool who has loved, than be a fool afraid to love.

Funny lately all the titles recently have been song titles, some of you might say. Well if you look up the songs, or know them, then you would see how the song is just a reflection of my mind. Music is a big influence with me. Music sets the tone of my day. I use it to express my feelings and thoughts.