Sue me

I just did the hardest thing I have ever done. I wrote Stone and told him, I was done with all this. That if he needed a friend let me know (he won't). He isn't like that. But it was a gesture. I told him if he got his life together... well you don't to hear it all. When I was writing I was listening to a "Guys & Dolls" song. I realized that I was ready to cry. Because I as much as I love him I can't go on with this once in a blue moon relationship. I am better than that. I deserve someone that will show he loves me. Not just try to screw me when he wants a change, if I wanted that I would married. If you can't tell men have done me wrong. Funny thing, he still my most trusted friend. At least he never lied to me, he just used me. He will always have my heart, but I have to go on. I mean he first and last person that enters my mind every day. I wish him all that life and love can give him, that he will except of course. I have decided that I will never marry again. Mainly I could never give my heart to guy that would want marry me. I can't give what I don't have. I have given my heart 3x's. First time was my ex-boyfriend Teague. I wanted to marry him, but he screwed it up with fucking my friends and a few girls I didn't know. Then I gave it to my ex-husband David. My first everything, and I mean everything if you know what I mean. Too bad he fucked my friend(?) and beat when when I objected to him doing it. Now "Stone" stole my heart, and hasn't had the decency to give it back. I always wondered why he just never said he didn't want it. I did tell him that if he didn't want me or anything, all he had to do is say so. I can handle rejection. But he never done that. I can't handle always on a string. I need more. I would be faithful and love him forever if he once he said that he loved me. Not elude to it, and act like it...all I want is one word, or even a "I want (me) <fill in the blank>."