Missing You Stone

It has been almost a year since the last time you held me. A year since our last kiss. I will always love you and adore you. I will always wait for the word from you. I keep the necklace, a silver eastern orthodox cross with the Russian inscription ("Save and Protect"), in remembrance. I know that this love is vain. But it seems to be lot in life to be lovelorn. I accept the fact that in my heart I love you the way your mother loved her first husband. I accept the fact that you could not love anyone beyond yourself. Yet my heart waits for you, and my head is moving on. One word, and my engagement would have been off. One word and I would follow you to the ends of the earth and back again. But I know that that word will never come. So I will tell you what I was going to give you for your wedding present. The gift to the groom from the bride. For I know that you will never marry me, although we both know that I am the one that has ever accepted you for EXACTLY who you. My gift to you was going to be a two partner. Part one, for go the big wedding and elope...if nothing more to piss off your parents, like we had spoke of before... Part two, two words Bunny Ranch. Remember when we jokingly said yeah run off to Nevada...and stop at the bunny ranch for fun. I was going to treat you on our wedding night to the bunny ranch. I know with you fidelity no longer means anything, so I would never ask it of you. If you ever choose to give it to me, it would be a warm loving gift that I would not refuse. Yet I would stay faithful to you. For no man can have my heart, but you. And no man has ever captured my desires like you. You are best friend, my lover, and I could never ask for more. You accept me, I accept you. I want what you want. I am not clouded by my love, but am truly madly deeply in love. I am in so deep that it does not phase me. All you ever have had to do is say something. Say you want me. That you want me with you. Not just you want me around so you can have someone to hang with, get drunk with, have orgies with. Just say ONCE, and I would never ask again, that you want me to be with you. ONCE! Just say, that you and me. I mean I can see a lifetime of fun, sex, everything. I would never ask much of you, for I know your capabilities, I know I never need to ask. I mean you accept that fact that though I was abused and raped that I enjoyed sex with you. I never enjoyed sex so much as when I was with you. Then again I never really enjoyed sex. I never felt anything during sex. The idea of a mind-blowing orgasm has never moved me. But loving you makes me feel like I am drowning. From the first time you hugged me and I breathed you in to the last goodbye. You saturate me in passion that is better than any drink. It was more than just pleasing you and moving on. It honestly felt like you drank in the ecstasy of me also. That is why I like being with you. Funny I could never say this to your face, or in any other way. Somehow I feel deep inside you feel something to. From the way your eyes twinkle when I say Hi, to how sad you look when you would leave. It just feels right, to be together. It is weird. It's like we have always been together. I do believe in soul mates, I just never though before that you would be one. You are a surprise and breath of fresh air. And you are acting a fool to give exactly what you always wanted up. I am a fool to not take my heart away. Maybe you should just tell me. Am I a fool? You promised me honesty. So far you have been honest. Except for one thing... when we first started talking you wrote me a poem in a letter about love and accepting or denying it with grace... you have never denied it. You have said that you didn't want to hurt me by falling and out of love with me, which I said first, that I didn't want to hurt you... Actually my exact words were "each other"...I felt we wouldn't want to hurt each other by one of us falling out of love and being to afraid to tell the other, and start lying & cheating behind the other's back and eventually be caught, and crush the other. I was scraed. I was scared because was I knew I loved you and thought that you would leave me. I know that you are scared to love again and have some bitch do what your last fiancee did. But I heard this riddle and I think it applies...A man searchs the world to find what he needs, and returns home to find it. I am home. I am the home you like to come to. I am the home you found peace and accpetance in. That scares you more than anything. But I wait. I am not going to marry him. As much as I know he would love me forever and try to make me happy. I cannot give him what he wants... for you have it. And maybe I should have told you this before. And may be too late. You may have fucked yourself to good. But if will have me, I would come to you if you were 10 miles away or 10, 000 miles away. Don't urge me to leave you or turn back from you. Where you go I will go and where you stay I will stay. Your home would be my home. Your people would be my people. Where you die I will die and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me. For I would till you bid me to go. My heart will always be with you, until YOU tell me not to love you. Till YOU tell me to stop waiting. For once stop leaving me in the air. Just tell me the truth. Like your poem says, take my love and graciously give it back...if you don't want my heart, then give it back so I can give it to someone else that wants it. I cannot marry him unless you give it back. And I won't marry him unless you bid me to, and give your blessing. And if the thought of me with someone else pisses you off, if the thought of forever without me brings such emotions in you, then it is time to stop talking and just go with it. Damn it, if those thoughts provoke you like I have seen them, then walk up and kiss me and never let me go. Otherwise, I beg you... if I mean nothing to you, please let my heart go. Please give it back. I don't beg, but I do plead most ernestly... love me or let me go. Please. Good night sweet prince. Ponder these words, and forget the past. Be fair and honest, and dream on these things. Let your heart answer for your head, and forget you wits and sensiblities and mind your heart. Do not let the golden apple pass you by because you feel you deserve a bitter plum. Good night sweet prince. Leave your cunning and fears behind, and sleep with me in our bed of laurels, and let me dote on you. Let me give you your desires. Good night sweet love, and think not on what has been but what can be. And know my heart is true, my mind is clear, my eyes are open, and my body willing. Good night.