Slacker

Ok so I have been a total slacker lately. Not that I try but what can you do? If I lived alone or had total free time then yes I could write a storm. Yet this is not the case. Well recently Stone has been on my mind. I haven't seen him in almost a year and it is reaching out 6 months incommunicado. Well I know he got himself into a spot of trouble, and he has this weird notion that he is protecting me by keeping me out of it, but I do miss him. I know how ridiculous I sound right now to say that. Yet you have to know how he thinks. He is a war survivor, and trusts nothing. He really believes keeping me out of his troubles, even the minor ones are a major protection. In this way he is also saying "I love you." Whether it is a friendship love or one of the other 6 forms, he is doing what he feels it best. Most of the time I say it is bullshit and he is trying to say in a nice way to bugger off, but whenever I write him off...here he comes again. I don't like to pursue all the time, so I gave it up with him. Anyway I have caught him, and I am not sure what kind of prize I got. Let's face it, he is perfect for me but he is FAR from perfect. If I didn't know how smashing we are together I would have had him shove off 2 years ago. We work, that is all you can say about it. He is convenient, we compliment, and we what the same things in life and will fight to get them...together even. The hardest part about being with someone these days is even if you find the right person that wants all the same things that you want is that rarely do you work together to achieve the goal. I wish I could pass this on to him. But the stubborn bastard wouldn't listen even if he heard. He always has to learn the hardest way possible. Gosh listen to me, I am lovelorn. You know if I didn't knew that I am a perfectly wonderful person, worthy of love, and anyone that doesn't accept love from me is a fool, then I would wonder why. I would wonder what is wrong with me. If I didn't know he is the fuck-up, then... Well knowing don't change how it makes you feel. I cannot give my heart to anyone else and I cannot give it to who it wants to go to. What is a girl supposed to do. Stone would have many meaningless affairs with as many people as possible until you get the chance. Of course he is completely jeaslous of any competition. Yet he wants me to see others while I want for him? There is some B.S. That is what he does, yet when offered exactly what he wants then he runs the other way like a scared rabbit. Maybe I should be a complete bitch and try to lead himlike a dog. But that ould change him and I like the person he really is. Give him a free hand though and he walks all-over your heart. I wish there was a way to teach him a lesson and retain him and his heart afterward. I must say though that he has been a challenge. Believe it or not he only male (or female) that if I went after them, then they were mine heart, body, and soul. I owed every fiber in their being and their heart could not escape me. I was always on their mind even if they didn't want it. I captured them like fly in a web. Even if it is not what I wanted. So here is the man that makes me feel that way, and he is unattainable (or makes himself that way). I am just so tired of playing games. Yet I feel if I wait, if I can just hold out a little longer, then I will have what I want. Which is hard when you heart has no patience. I hope you enjoyed my little rant. Hope all of you enjoy you holidays and days off. Party down. Later.