Slacker

Ok so I have been a total slacker lately. Not that I try but what can you do? If I lived alone or had total free time then yes I could write a storm. Yet this is not the case. Well recently Stone has been on my mind. I haven't seen him in almost a year and it is reaching out 6 months incommunicado. Well I know he got himself into a spot of trouble, and he has this weird notion that he is protecting me by keeping me out of it, but I do miss him. I know how ridiculous I sound right now to say that. Yet you have to know how he thinks. He is a war survivor, and trusts nothing. He really believes keeping me out of his troubles, even the minor ones are a major protection. In this way he is also saying "I love you." Whether it is a friendship love or one of the other 6 forms, he is doing what he feels it best. Most of the time I say it is bullshit and he is trying to say in a nice way to bugger off, but whenever I write him off...here he comes again. I don't like to pursue all the time, so I gave it up with him. Anyway I have caught him, and I am not sure what kind of prize I got. Let's face it, he is perfect for me but he is FAR from perfect. If I didn't know how smashing we are together I would have had him shove off 2 years ago. We work, that is all you can say about it. He is convenient, we compliment, and we what the same things in life and will fight to get them...together even. The hardest part about being with someone these days is even if you find the right person that wants all the same things that you want is that rarely do you work together to achieve the goal. I wish I could pass this on to him. But the stubborn bastard wouldn't listen even if he heard. He always has to learn the hardest way possible. Gosh listen to me, I am lovelorn. You know if I didn't knew that I am a perfectly wonderful person, worthy of love, and anyone that doesn't accept love from me is a fool, then I would wonder why. I would wonder what is wrong with me. If I didn't know he is the fuck-up, then... Well knowing don't change how it makes you feel. I cannot give my heart to anyone else and I cannot give it to who it wants to go to. What is a girl supposed to do. Stone would have many meaningless affairs with as many people as possible until you get the chance. Of course he is completely jeaslous of any competition. Yet he wants me to see others while I want for him? There is some B.S. That is what he does, yet when offered exactly what he wants then he runs the other way like a scared rabbit. Maybe I should be a complete bitch and try to lead himlike a dog. But that ould change him and I like the person he really is. Give him a free hand though and he walks all-over your heart. I wish there was a way to teach him a lesson and retain him and his heart afterward. I must say though that he has been a challenge. Believe it or not he only male (or female) that if I went after them, then they were mine heart, body, and soul. I owed every fiber in their being and their heart could not escape me. I was always on their mind even if they didn't want it. I captured them like fly in a web. Even if it is not what I wanted. So here is the man that makes me feel that way, and he is unattainable (or makes himself that way). I am just so tired of playing games. Yet I feel if I wait, if I can just hold out a little longer, then I will have what I want. Which is hard when you heart has no patience. I hope you enjoyed my little rant. Hope all of you enjoy you holidays and days off. Party down. Later.

Howdy Strangers

Sorry I have not written for a while but I have been sick. I was reading my ex's blog, I do that from time to time just to keep up with some people we both know and the expected comments he like to post only to his site now that I bust him as much as possible when he posts on mine. First off, about sexuality, I do not promote or condon "immorality" of what other people do in their bedroom (or other places). What other people do is between them and their maker (whomever they believe that to be). I am saying that it should be equal. If a girl is a whore, than a man is a whore-monger for sleep with the same amount of people. If it is ok for guys to sleep around then nothing should be said about a woman. It is the sheer inequality that drives such a wedge between sex relations. As for immorality, I will not make specific beliefs made. I feel that you cannot push your way of thinking on anyone unless you wish to close their mind. However this does not mean that I do not have strong feelings about those issues. Yet shouting at the wind does not help either. If someone wants to talk with me personally about my feelings on these subjects I have no problem with discussing them openly, but I will not force my ideas down your throat. The main reason I feel that most religions and other organizations fail is because you can preach your ideas all say, but if you tell one person that does not believe they are wrong or doing wrong then you have lost them. I believe that if you reason with people, keep it calm, and try to explain why you feel the way you do that it reaches more. If you can show in a non-threatening way that makes sense then you can perhaps bring that person around. It is not a matter of how much you can force-feed someone, but if you can get them to say "Hey, that's sounds right." The best person you could ever use as an example of what I am saying is Jesus. He went around and told those who would listen. He talked with people. He did wash into town and scream at the top of his lungs that if they didn't believe in him that they were going to "hell." He listened and explained, talked and look at how the message spread. Now I will not go into how that message was corrupted and used as a way to exclude or kill, but look at Jesus. Strong and firm in his belief, but never forcing. Now there was a man. The perfect example of how we all should be. Now I already know I am going to get complaints about calling Jesus a "man." Yet the form he took, whether you believe he was God or "the son of GOD" or a good (just a) man. Once again I am not going to go into what I personally believe. If you wish to discuss anything, I am more than willing to in a public chat room.

As for my "lack" of morality. Morality is fueled by religious beliefs. You can say that I am immoral by writing from an "outsider" point-of-view. I choose write this way, and keep my true opinions to myself. I simply wish to give you some information. I put out there observations that I see and give opinions that I get from other people that I find online. Call me names, but you are nothing but water on a ducks back. I will not stop writing. I will keep throwing out some contraversal ideas that we are exposed to. If you don't like it then you may excersice your given right to STOP READING. Also do not try to push me to your way of thinking. You can say what you want, but don't bother trying to make me something I am not. What I am is someone that wants to challenge you. I want to make you think. I want you to see there is more to the world that the black and white lies that we were told and no not everything we do and say and how we treat others is right. If you are a Christian I respect your beliefs (whatever denominations you may be). If you pagan I respect you also. If you are agnostic I respect you. Because I am not your judge, you do not answer to me. As I do not answer to you. Who I answer to is what I believe to be a higher power. Higher than man, any man. So you do what you want, I will do as I want. And when the day of recogning comes I will stand beside what I have done as you will and take responsiblity for what I have done and hope that all that I personally believe is right. God help us is we are all wrong. Well this is dragging on and this isn't even what I wanted to talk about today. I hope that that helps some of my critics. Actually I think it will fuel their fires worse, but hey I don't care.



Christ 12 years old at the Temple

Small Town Saturday Night

Ok, this may not exactly be a "small" town but hey we don't have too much either. So what am I up to. Well I am heading out to the club. I realized that I wanted to go out to dance tonight. Knock back a couple tequila drinks and let loose a bit. Ready shake my fat ass tonight! Now I came to a realization tonight. I want who I want, and I am tired of settling for what other people want. So I decided that I will not marrying until I get who and what I want for me first! I am not like this but I thought about how tired of my life has been. Sine I was 17 everyone else has been telling what I want, so fuck it. I am going to live my own life. I will update when I get home.