I was thinking about all this hate towards white people and thought to myself, "who are white? What is White?" My natural thought was anyone who is "Caucasian." But who is Caucasian? I mean we see it on ethnic choices but who are they?
So I did some digging and here is what I found.
"The Caucasian race...has usually included ancient and modern populations from all or parts of Europe, Western Asia, Central Asia, South Asia, North Africa, and the Horn of Africa."
So if you or your ancestors are from the following places, you are Caucasian and therefore in many places, "white". The countries and territories of each listed area as follows:
Europe -
Albania, Andorra, Armenia, Austria, Azerbaijan, Belarus, Belgium, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, Croatia, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Ireland, Italy, Kazakhstan, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Lietuva, Luxembourg, Malta, Moldova, Monaco, Montenegro, Netherlands, North Macedonia, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, San Marino, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Turkey, Ukaine, United Kingdom and Vatican City
Western Asia -
Turkey (yes several countries are part of more than one continent), Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Yemen, Abkhazia, Armenia, Artsakh, Azerbaijan, Georgia, South Ossetia, Iraq, Israel, Jordan, Labanon, Palestine, Syria, Iran, Akrotiri and Dhekelia, Cyprus, Northern Cyprus, Egypt
Central Asia -
Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan
South Asia -
Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, Maldives, Nepal, India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka
North Africa -
Algeria, Egypt, Libya, Morocco, Tunisia, Ceuta, Melilla, Western Sahara / Sahrawi Arab Democratic Republic
Horn of Africa -
Djibouti, Somaliland, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Somalia
*One GIANT note. Caucasian is not a specific color. but a specrtum from lighter to darker skin.
So if you want to hate people because of their skin color remember one thing, all these people are one race. Most likely your race, and you are hating yourself, your family and your friends also.
#StopTheHate
Saturday, June 06, 2020
Friday, April 11, 2014
Destiny
What is this thing called "Destiny?"
Why are we so pushed to discover it?
Some say finding the right person for you is destiny.
Others say it is finding the right job.
Parents have one idea for you & your significant other usually has another.
What if your destiny is to become a fry cook at food joint, while living in your parents basement, never having a steady relation just so you can sell cigarettes to the local high schools just so you can get laid?
Never saw that one in a Disney movie...
Not everyone is meant for "greatness." What if your personal greatness is to have a drunken fling and end up producing the next president?
There is too much emphasis on being something grand. Not everyone will be a doctor, lawyer, or congressman. Some people love to be farmers, truckers, or janitors. You should find your own happiness and stop listening to what others want for you.
Why are we so pushed to discover it?
Some say finding the right person for you is destiny.
Others say it is finding the right job.
Parents have one idea for you & your significant other usually has another.
What if your destiny is to become a fry cook at food joint, while living in your parents basement, never having a steady relation just so you can sell cigarettes to the local high schools just so you can get laid?
Never saw that one in a Disney movie...
Not everyone is meant for "greatness." What if your personal greatness is to have a drunken fling and end up producing the next president?
There is too much emphasis on being something grand. Not everyone will be a doctor, lawyer, or congressman. Some people love to be farmers, truckers, or janitors. You should find your own happiness and stop listening to what others want for you.
Monday, March 31, 2014
On the Rollercoaster
So... as much as I have been thinking about writing on here, I just haven't. My mind has been all over the place. My BFF Brian moved away and that has sucked. He was one of the few people that I really connected well with in this life and one of the few men that did not try to get me in bed (or my brother). Bonus points. I would sit and rant a bit about that but it is pointless.
Bigger news is that I met someone in November that changed my world, only to find out that it is the same world with more potholes in it. "L.W." confuses me on a level that I have never experienced before. To say this guy changes his mind a lot is like saying people that are bi-polar have ever-so slight mood changes. In fact I know a few people that are bi-polar and they are more consistent. He says he wants to be cautious because of the mistakes he has made in his past. I get that, I have messed up what could have been great things by rushing. Although inaction can be worse than rushing in. I ponder whether I should drop even speaking to him. I really don't need another complication in my life. If I thought he would understand what I am trying to say I would tell him that if he doesn't make up his mind soon, then he will lose me forever. It's been 6 months, make up your mind... are we just friends or do you want more? I am not like the females (put very loosely) that you are used to... I do not play the whore and I do not like to be jerked around. Let your yes mean yes & no mean no. Stop with all this perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. One day we're just friends. The next week he does a 180, and tells me how he loves me. I have whiplash from his indecision. I actually have considered that he may be just a guy that is cheating on someone. The only reason he has gotten this much leeway is because he accepted a job overseas to begin in 2 months and he wants to figure out exactly what he wants to do now that he did meet someone he's (supposedly) interested in. "L.W.", though, is the least of the things on my mind. Although I guess I did have a rant in me :P
I am stuck on several concepts on where to go with life now... Since I know this seem out of the blue, let's back track a bit.
On January 13th/14th, 2014 I nearly died. Actually I did die several times, I just didn't stay dead. There was no medical invention that saved me. The doctors at the hospital did not think I was going to make it. They told my family that if by some miracle I did not die that I would be in a coma more than likely the rest of my life. I woke up at 4 am. The details of how it happened are not very important. It was not an attempt on my life. Purely an accident. However the experience has completely changed me. There was no tunnel or white light. I do believe in an afterlife. Maybe that is why I had no experience, I knew I wasn't going to die. I stopped breathing several times for up to 5 minutes. All I remember is falling asleep. It was quite and peaceful when I did not jerk awake confused, only to slip back into sleep. From what I was told it was better that I was not conscious. The doctors did everything to save me but gave up. They said I should have been dead when I walked in the door.
So now what? I am alive, but am completely different. I look at things and they seem unfamiliar. People seem unfamiliar. I do not feel the same way about anything or anyone anymore. Will I be like this forever? I actually liked myself before. That person was so much better. I feel like part of me is missing. This is becoming a deep depression that I cannot shake. I do not want to do anything that I used to.
I wonder if this has happened to anyone else.
This one event has reshaped my whole world. Everything seems brighter and colors more vivid. Tastes and smells are more real... and yet I am missing part of me. I feel like I lost something. Something very important and I know I will never get it back but the urge to search for it still is a longing I cannot stop. My heart and mind tell me that I am not where I need to be. Everything is wrong. I feel like an interdimensional traveler that has slipped into a similar reality but it's just not the same and I know it. I feel off. And I just want to get off this rollercoaster. There is no thrill in this life. Just nightmares and the feeling of slowly withering away in a shell I call my body.
Speaking of which, even the way I dream has changed. I have had night-terrors almost every night of my life. They are different and worse. They about things I have never even seen in a movie. Cruelties that humanity had done to itself.... Example last night...
I dreamed I was walking with a group of people in a jungle-like area. We had to detour our path (for a reason I do not remember) that was going to take us through a small village. Our translator/guide said that it was a safe area to travel in. When we arrived at the edge of the village... it was a massacre. Gorilla fighter had came in and killed everyone. Men, women, and children. I could not even describe in detail the horror. They took the bodies and after beating and butchering them they impaled their bodies on what looked like pikes. While walking through this killing field I found one little boy still breathing but badly hurt. He was hanging upside down stuck through the belly. Too weak to even cry, but not bleeding out. I ran to him, screaming to have them help me cut him down. Our translator/guide said that this was a warning and to remove or help him could make things worse. I told him I would not just let him die. We cut this small boy, maybe 4 years old, down and did what we could. He opened his eyes and looked up at me with pleading eyes. He was in so much pain. He had cuts all over him from being beating so severely that he must have lost consciousness and took him for dead or dying. I told them not to remove the branch-like pike and carried him to the first "hospital" we could safely come to. Then I woke up. I can still see his face.
I don't dream like that. I dream about natural disasters, zombie apocalypse (after too much "Walking Dead"/zombie movie marathon), and the few peaceful dreams I have had are natural settings that are so stunning I do not thing they could ever exist. This was a dream of the pure evil that human cause. But these are the dreams I have been having for months now. I start to cry just thinking about them.
What is happening to me?
Bigger news is that I met someone in November that changed my world, only to find out that it is the same world with more potholes in it. "L.W." confuses me on a level that I have never experienced before. To say this guy changes his mind a lot is like saying people that are bi-polar have ever-so slight mood changes. In fact I know a few people that are bi-polar and they are more consistent. He says he wants to be cautious because of the mistakes he has made in his past. I get that, I have messed up what could have been great things by rushing. Although inaction can be worse than rushing in. I ponder whether I should drop even speaking to him. I really don't need another complication in my life. If I thought he would understand what I am trying to say I would tell him that if he doesn't make up his mind soon, then he will lose me forever. It's been 6 months, make up your mind... are we just friends or do you want more? I am not like the females (put very loosely) that you are used to... I do not play the whore and I do not like to be jerked around. Let your yes mean yes & no mean no. Stop with all this perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. One day we're just friends. The next week he does a 180, and tells me how he loves me. I have whiplash from his indecision. I actually have considered that he may be just a guy that is cheating on someone. The only reason he has gotten this much leeway is because he accepted a job overseas to begin in 2 months and he wants to figure out exactly what he wants to do now that he did meet someone he's (supposedly) interested in. "L.W.", though, is the least of the things on my mind. Although I guess I did have a rant in me :P
I am stuck on several concepts on where to go with life now... Since I know this seem out of the blue, let's back track a bit.
On January 13th/14th, 2014 I nearly died. Actually I did die several times, I just didn't stay dead. There was no medical invention that saved me. The doctors at the hospital did not think I was going to make it. They told my family that if by some miracle I did not die that I would be in a coma more than likely the rest of my life. I woke up at 4 am. The details of how it happened are not very important. It was not an attempt on my life. Purely an accident. However the experience has completely changed me. There was no tunnel or white light. I do believe in an afterlife. Maybe that is why I had no experience, I knew I wasn't going to die. I stopped breathing several times for up to 5 minutes. All I remember is falling asleep. It was quite and peaceful when I did not jerk awake confused, only to slip back into sleep. From what I was told it was better that I was not conscious. The doctors did everything to save me but gave up. They said I should have been dead when I walked in the door.
So now what? I am alive, but am completely different. I look at things and they seem unfamiliar. People seem unfamiliar. I do not feel the same way about anything or anyone anymore. Will I be like this forever? I actually liked myself before. That person was so much better. I feel like part of me is missing. This is becoming a deep depression that I cannot shake. I do not want to do anything that I used to.
I wonder if this has happened to anyone else.
This one event has reshaped my whole world. Everything seems brighter and colors more vivid. Tastes and smells are more real... and yet I am missing part of me. I feel like I lost something. Something very important and I know I will never get it back but the urge to search for it still is a longing I cannot stop. My heart and mind tell me that I am not where I need to be. Everything is wrong. I feel like an interdimensional traveler that has slipped into a similar reality but it's just not the same and I know it. I feel off. And I just want to get off this rollercoaster. There is no thrill in this life. Just nightmares and the feeling of slowly withering away in a shell I call my body.
Speaking of which, even the way I dream has changed. I have had night-terrors almost every night of my life. They are different and worse. They about things I have never even seen in a movie. Cruelties that humanity had done to itself.... Example last night...
I dreamed I was walking with a group of people in a jungle-like area. We had to detour our path (for a reason I do not remember) that was going to take us through a small village. Our translator/guide said that it was a safe area to travel in. When we arrived at the edge of the village... it was a massacre. Gorilla fighter had came in and killed everyone. Men, women, and children. I could not even describe in detail the horror. They took the bodies and after beating and butchering them they impaled their bodies on what looked like pikes. While walking through this killing field I found one little boy still breathing but badly hurt. He was hanging upside down stuck through the belly. Too weak to even cry, but not bleeding out. I ran to him, screaming to have them help me cut him down. Our translator/guide said that this was a warning and to remove or help him could make things worse. I told him I would not just let him die. We cut this small boy, maybe 4 years old, down and did what we could. He opened his eyes and looked up at me with pleading eyes. He was in so much pain. He had cuts all over him from being beating so severely that he must have lost consciousness and took him for dead or dying. I told them not to remove the branch-like pike and carried him to the first "hospital" we could safely come to. Then I woke up. I can still see his face.
I don't dream like that. I dream about natural disasters, zombie apocalypse (after too much "Walking Dead"/zombie movie marathon), and the few peaceful dreams I have had are natural settings that are so stunning I do not thing they could ever exist. This was a dream of the pure evil that human cause. But these are the dreams I have been having for months now. I start to cry just thinking about them.
What is happening to me?
Monday, November 25, 2013
Welcome Back
So yes dear friends, I disappeared. Not that too many people noticed, since I do not think one person actually reads this but me. And even i do not do that often.
Things I have learned since my last post:
1. I really don't care about many people or things.
2. Facebook is better when you don't have actual friends on there but people that you game with.
3. Sex is always (fill is in the blank).
4. I question things and people a lot. And should do it more.
5. I am a cold cynical bitch... Oh wait i knew that already.
6. I am not a cold cynical bitch... I just wish I was.
7. I should have become a lesbian in high school.
8. You are still reading this?
9. Wait someone else is reading this?
So anyways. Life has been up and down. Mainly down. However they may have a prescription for me over that. I have officially become part of the "Y bother" generation. Generation Y was not good enough and so i dropped out. If you have not guessed it i have been watching Pump Up The Volume again. Awesome movie by the way. It really summed up my existence in high school. Adults that lost touch, kids that didn't know what to do because they could see what was wrong but couldn't get anyone to care. many may say that is what has happened now. I disagree. What is happening now is that everybody cares, just no one has no idea how to focus it to actually make a difference. We call name calling bullying. What? Name calling? I was taught "sticks & stones" but as kids they might actually chase you with stick & stones & guns & bullets. Bullying was when you got beat up a lot & thrown into lockers. Panted in gym class and treated like crap. And that was the teachers, the kids got real nasty. Kids now days couldn't handle growing up when I did or where I did. Too sensitive. I remember when you had to worry about getting shot over shoes. Now every "young blood" wants to prove himself, so he acts big and bad and get himself thrown in prison... where he is properly raped by men that are big and bad. WTF?!?
I had a kid lose her mind yesterday and talked to me with disrespect. Then when I said something about it she gave me a dirty look. I told her I would slap that look off her face. She looked shocked. Like no one had ever said that to her. It doesn't matter if i would do it or not. The fact is if you don't stand up to little punks they grow into large punks and become completely uncontrollable. Touchy-feelly garbage does not work with kids these days because they were taught to think like we were. You could reason with my generation because we were taught, not given the answer and hope for the best.
Times have changed my friends and we need Madea as a mom now. We laugh at her, say I remember having a big mamma like that, but then you tell your kids "oh pookie, don't jump on the furniture, please." "Use your indoor voice." i hear that last night and lost it. Those kids started screaming again so i went in and screamed "Stop that screaming up in here!" That shut them all up. You got to be firm with them. I can honestly say I do not want more kids. Not because of the world, but because of the little bastards that will end up being their friends. The little trouble makers I will have to kick out. The bad influence I will have to spank out of my kids. You heard me I spank. I was spanked. my mom was spanked. My dad was beat. Honey if you don't know the difference then it did not happen to you! Parents knock out your kids before someone else inthe world does worse to them!
Things I have learned since my last post:
1. I really don't care about many people or things.
2. Facebook is better when you don't have actual friends on there but people that you game with.
3. Sex is always (fill is in the blank).
4. I question things and people a lot. And should do it more.
5. I am a cold cynical bitch... Oh wait i knew that already.
6. I am not a cold cynical bitch... I just wish I was.
7. I should have become a lesbian in high school.
8. You are still reading this?
9. Wait someone else is reading this?
So anyways. Life has been up and down. Mainly down. However they may have a prescription for me over that. I have officially become part of the "Y bother" generation. Generation Y was not good enough and so i dropped out. If you have not guessed it i have been watching Pump Up The Volume again. Awesome movie by the way. It really summed up my existence in high school. Adults that lost touch, kids that didn't know what to do because they could see what was wrong but couldn't get anyone to care. many may say that is what has happened now. I disagree. What is happening now is that everybody cares, just no one has no idea how to focus it to actually make a difference. We call name calling bullying. What? Name calling? I was taught "sticks & stones" but as kids they might actually chase you with stick & stones & guns & bullets. Bullying was when you got beat up a lot & thrown into lockers. Panted in gym class and treated like crap. And that was the teachers, the kids got real nasty. Kids now days couldn't handle growing up when I did or where I did. Too sensitive. I remember when you had to worry about getting shot over shoes. Now every "young blood" wants to prove himself, so he acts big and bad and get himself thrown in prison... where he is properly raped by men that are big and bad. WTF?!?
I had a kid lose her mind yesterday and talked to me with disrespect. Then when I said something about it she gave me a dirty look. I told her I would slap that look off her face. She looked shocked. Like no one had ever said that to her. It doesn't matter if i would do it or not. The fact is if you don't stand up to little punks they grow into large punks and become completely uncontrollable. Touchy-feelly garbage does not work with kids these days because they were taught to think like we were. You could reason with my generation because we were taught, not given the answer and hope for the best.
Times have changed my friends and we need Madea as a mom now. We laugh at her, say I remember having a big mamma like that, but then you tell your kids "oh pookie, don't jump on the furniture, please." "Use your indoor voice." i hear that last night and lost it. Those kids started screaming again so i went in and screamed "Stop that screaming up in here!" That shut them all up. You got to be firm with them. I can honestly say I do not want more kids. Not because of the world, but because of the little bastards that will end up being their friends. The little trouble makers I will have to kick out. The bad influence I will have to spank out of my kids. You heard me I spank. I was spanked. my mom was spanked. My dad was beat. Honey if you don't know the difference then it did not happen to you! Parents knock out your kids before someone else inthe world does worse to them!
Friday, August 30, 2013
No Sleep
My ex-Brian is not much on wisdom, in my opinion. However he said something that struck me. Something I never even thought of. What if the reason Jake won't talk to me is because he was in an accident? I never would have thought of anything like that. It's easier to blame it on that I pissed him off or something. I could not bare him harmed. Which of course got me crying again. Bad enough I am stilling here blaming my stupid self. Maybe I actually didn't do something. It's had for me to believe that, because of how unwanted I am, but it at least is a little a comforting.
The very idea that he is hurt kills me though. Either way I am feel empty again. I feel like that Evanescence song. I felt like I was sleeping and lost. He woke me up inside and I feel lost without him now. Jake was a breath of fresh air in this tomb I call my life.
I feel numb at this point. I can't cry or sleep or eat. I don't want to scream. I just hate everything around me. I have never been apart of this world and i hope it ends soon. And even if this world fell down around me all I'd want is you. I am a sad excuse for a person. And I hate myself more than I hate anything. At least with you, I wanted to sing. I shared my light with you and with one puff you snuffed it out. I wish I could hate you but this is my fault. I let you in. I should have stayed cold. I should have let you know how you were affecting me. Not that I think it would have stopped you but at least you would have known the damage you could cause.
Maybe I could have scared you off before you......
The very idea that he is hurt kills me though. Either way I am feel empty again. I feel like that Evanescence song. I felt like I was sleeping and lost. He woke me up inside and I feel lost without him now. Jake was a breath of fresh air in this tomb I call my life.
I feel numb at this point. I can't cry or sleep or eat. I don't want to scream. I just hate everything around me. I have never been apart of this world and i hope it ends soon. And even if this world fell down around me all I'd want is you. I am a sad excuse for a person. And I hate myself more than I hate anything. At least with you, I wanted to sing. I shared my light with you and with one puff you snuffed it out. I wish I could hate you but this is my fault. I let you in. I should have stayed cold. I should have let you know how you were affecting me. Not that I think it would have stopped you but at least you would have known the damage you could cause.
Maybe I could have scared you off before you......
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Cut Off
Where did you go? What did I do? Was I really wrong to want to answer a question? I'm lonely without you sweetie. I can't believe I did it again. I never open up. I never let anyone in, for a reason. a good reason. This one. When someone sees me, they stop wanting to. I hate myself for letting you see me Jake (not his real name). I told you about me, I shared, I trusted you and you rejected me again. So much for not being able to offend. So much for trust. All your words were shite. You just reaffirmed all the things I believed about myself. I'm stupid and ugly. Nobody wants me, they just want to use me. I'm worthless, and old. No one cares and I'm better off dead. I have been told that by my family all my life. And I fought against those words. But I can't anymore, because they are true.
And I miss so you. With you I felt contentment. I was starting to feel good about life. I thought I found an understanding companion that would journey with me. I'm so alone. I thought I found a friend. I thought I found something. Not love, don't get it twisted. I can never love again. I lost that ability years ago. But thanks to you I found out that I can still cry. Enjoy your laugh. You just crushed a rose in your hand.
FUCK LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!
And I miss so you. With you I felt contentment. I was starting to feel good about life. I thought I found an understanding companion that would journey with me. I'm so alone. I thought I found a friend. I thought I found something. Not love, don't get it twisted. I can never love again. I lost that ability years ago. But thanks to you I found out that I can still cry. Enjoy your laugh. You just crushed a rose in your hand.
FUCK LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
A New Day
I stopped writing on here because of a prick. He pissed me off and I gave up on opening up to people.
However if a certain somebody is reading this then know I am willing to open up to you.
I was reading the old post here and made me realize some things. First that I gave my heart to unworthy people and second that I am glad that they are unworthy. That might sound strange but let me explain myself. If I hadn't met the wrong people I'd never see the right one in front of me.
I am a very sexual person. My sexuality ranges from sensual to "give it to me harder daddy." Some days I need something sweet and gentle. Other days I need to be spanked, punished, tied up, teased, do I need to go on? The problem with having such a wide range is that there aren't every many that are at that same point. I have met someone that is.
I fantasize about him daily. Anything from showing up at work and giving him oral to sneaking off while he is out and have wild very limber sex. I want him. His name turns me on. The thought of him turns me on. When he talks to me I only get worse. I want him in the worst way. So what"s the problem?
Besides the fact we don't even live in the same county? I am unsure of how much he trust me.
Trust is a huge thing for me. I mean if we do some of the things we have talked about about there needs to be trust. I mean I want him to tie me up and have his way with me. And because I was brutally raped I get scared of being out of control. I don't feel like I can't trust him, but I fear myself. And unless he is reading this, he doesn't know what happened to me. It's been many years since my "friend" to a knife to my throat and forced me to do things I can't even talk about. I hate looking at myself because I can still see the scars from the knife where he cut me. I can still remember they way I cringed while he said "I love you" the whole time. It sickened me worse that part of me enjoyed it. I found out then I liked pain. I still did not want what he did but the pain was delicious.
I like pain with sex. It's a thrill. I like to be bitten. I like my hair pulled. I like the feel of leather across me. The snap of a whip or leather belt. Those little things light a spark. It's the same thrill when he calls me darlin or sweetheart.
Ohhhhh I want show him wonders. I want to experience it all, and just with him. My god, I want him in my world. I want him in my body. And he knows it.
I want to show him what soft is. What a high just being gentle can give. In turn I want him to also feel the electric jolt of pain. I want to go to every corner and show him every fantasy, both normally accepted and unaccepted. And I want him to want me too.
I want him to show me his fantasies. I want his dark secrets. I want him to have a piece of me.
But I also think I want too much. If rushed we can explore everything in a few months but to truly explore it will take years. I don't know if he is up to that. My plans say start with each other, then for some spice bring others in. Then anything we wouldn't do out of respect for the other we do with someone else. Once again, that will take years. That's kind of a commitment. That's partially why I never bothered with anyone else. Too much intimacy involved, not enough interest by both parties.
But this one is different. Plus it doesn't hurt that I really like him. Likes he doesn't know it. I talk with him everyday now. I feel like a ninny. I really like him. I see so much many positive things in him. He's almost unreal. How often can you say you meet an honestly nice guy? Then again I saw this person in him years ago.
Then again, playing devil's advocate, the last time we really saw each other we had sex and he really didn't speak to me again. Kinda hurtful but at that time in my life I was going through some crazy shite. I was dating two different guys, neither that I really liked. Kinda was sick of the relationship bull that I was getting. The "I wanna see other people but you can't" crap that I was not digging. So at the time it wasn't a good time for us to meet. But the wild sex, wasn't that bad. It wasn't the sex that was completely wild, but like they say LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.... which I will carry to my grave, was awesome. We didn't have time to enjoy it. More of a quickie. Too bad.
Honestly I don't want to invest my time into someone not willing to see it through. I believe he is serious about exploring. I think we could have all kinds of fun together. But like I have said here before I am good enough to be called girlfriend. I mean how many guys can say "my girlfriend likes me going to strip clubs and will pay for my lap dance"? How many guys can say "my girlfriend WANTS to video sex with another woman"? I don't care if he sees other women. Because it is not about possessing him. It's about finally having someone that accepts my sexual nature, loves that about me, and has it too. Why can"t being with someone that shares your desires be a good thing? Why can't we be together and explore?
I think part of it is I just want him so bad and he keeps teasing me. I have gotten burned so many times before. I truly believe that I am "The Ring" (or Ringu for all the Asian film fans out there) of relationships. Seven days after an interest is professed, usually it dies off.
I am too sexually demanding. I want to go places too dark. I want a relationship to explore the deeper parts, or I don't want a relationship so we can explore other things. Basically after it gets past the initial everyday sex (if it gets that far) that's as far as the guy/girl wants to take it. I happen to like a variety. And it's not like I am asking for love or marriage. I want some really good, heart pounding sex. And I think with this man I could have that.
The rub is now I have told him what I want. I don't want to be a one night stand again. I want to be in his life. I'm not saying wrap your life around me. I not saying I want to be your one and only. I'm not saying introduce me to your friends/family. I not saying change your life for me. No one has ever loved me enough for that. I am saying that I seriously want to explore with you, I want to explore you, I want you to explore me. I want to take away these boundaries and make something exciting and wonderful and mutually gratifying for both of us, together. I want to build a life long trust. I want a true friendship with you that happens to also have great sex involved. I want to be your companion. We are both adults here, and know the consequences. I am saying it's worth it. You are worth it. Did I ask for something wrong?
However if a certain somebody is reading this then know I am willing to open up to you.
I was reading the old post here and made me realize some things. First that I gave my heart to unworthy people and second that I am glad that they are unworthy. That might sound strange but let me explain myself. If I hadn't met the wrong people I'd never see the right one in front of me.
I am a very sexual person. My sexuality ranges from sensual to "give it to me harder daddy." Some days I need something sweet and gentle. Other days I need to be spanked, punished, tied up, teased, do I need to go on? The problem with having such a wide range is that there aren't every many that are at that same point. I have met someone that is.
I fantasize about him daily. Anything from showing up at work and giving him oral to sneaking off while he is out and have wild very limber sex. I want him. His name turns me on. The thought of him turns me on. When he talks to me I only get worse. I want him in the worst way. So what"s the problem?
Besides the fact we don't even live in the same county? I am unsure of how much he trust me.
Trust is a huge thing for me. I mean if we do some of the things we have talked about about there needs to be trust. I mean I want him to tie me up and have his way with me. And because I was brutally raped I get scared of being out of control. I don't feel like I can't trust him, but I fear myself. And unless he is reading this, he doesn't know what happened to me. It's been many years since my "friend" to a knife to my throat and forced me to do things I can't even talk about. I hate looking at myself because I can still see the scars from the knife where he cut me. I can still remember they way I cringed while he said "I love you" the whole time. It sickened me worse that part of me enjoyed it. I found out then I liked pain. I still did not want what he did but the pain was delicious.
I like pain with sex. It's a thrill. I like to be bitten. I like my hair pulled. I like the feel of leather across me. The snap of a whip or leather belt. Those little things light a spark. It's the same thrill when he calls me darlin or sweetheart.
Ohhhhh I want show him wonders. I want to experience it all, and just with him. My god, I want him in my world. I want him in my body. And he knows it.
I want to show him what soft is. What a high just being gentle can give. In turn I want him to also feel the electric jolt of pain. I want to go to every corner and show him every fantasy, both normally accepted and unaccepted. And I want him to want me too.
I want him to show me his fantasies. I want his dark secrets. I want him to have a piece of me.
But I also think I want too much. If rushed we can explore everything in a few months but to truly explore it will take years. I don't know if he is up to that. My plans say start with each other, then for some spice bring others in. Then anything we wouldn't do out of respect for the other we do with someone else. Once again, that will take years. That's kind of a commitment. That's partially why I never bothered with anyone else. Too much intimacy involved, not enough interest by both parties.
But this one is different. Plus it doesn't hurt that I really like him. Likes he doesn't know it. I talk with him everyday now. I feel like a ninny. I really like him. I see so much many positive things in him. He's almost unreal. How often can you say you meet an honestly nice guy? Then again I saw this person in him years ago.
Then again, playing devil's advocate, the last time we really saw each other we had sex and he really didn't speak to me again. Kinda hurtful but at that time in my life I was going through some crazy shite. I was dating two different guys, neither that I really liked. Kinda was sick of the relationship bull that I was getting. The "I wanna see other people but you can't" crap that I was not digging. So at the time it wasn't a good time for us to meet. But the wild sex, wasn't that bad. It wasn't the sex that was completely wild, but like they say LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.... which I will carry to my grave, was awesome. We didn't have time to enjoy it. More of a quickie. Too bad.
Honestly I don't want to invest my time into someone not willing to see it through. I believe he is serious about exploring. I think we could have all kinds of fun together. But like I have said here before I am good enough to be called girlfriend. I mean how many guys can say "my girlfriend likes me going to strip clubs and will pay for my lap dance"? How many guys can say "my girlfriend WANTS to video sex with another woman"? I don't care if he sees other women. Because it is not about possessing him. It's about finally having someone that accepts my sexual nature, loves that about me, and has it too. Why can"t being with someone that shares your desires be a good thing? Why can't we be together and explore?
I think part of it is I just want him so bad and he keeps teasing me. I have gotten burned so many times before. I truly believe that I am "The Ring" (or Ringu for all the Asian film fans out there) of relationships. Seven days after an interest is professed, usually it dies off.
I am too sexually demanding. I want to go places too dark. I want a relationship to explore the deeper parts, or I don't want a relationship so we can explore other things. Basically after it gets past the initial everyday sex (if it gets that far) that's as far as the guy/girl wants to take it. I happen to like a variety. And it's not like I am asking for love or marriage. I want some really good, heart pounding sex. And I think with this man I could have that.
The rub is now I have told him what I want. I don't want to be a one night stand again. I want to be in his life. I'm not saying wrap your life around me. I not saying I want to be your one and only. I'm not saying introduce me to your friends/family. I not saying change your life for me. No one has ever loved me enough for that. I am saying that I seriously want to explore with you, I want to explore you, I want you to explore me. I want to take away these boundaries and make something exciting and wonderful and mutually gratifying for both of us, together. I want to build a life long trust. I want a true friendship with you that happens to also have great sex involved. I want to be your companion. We are both adults here, and know the consequences. I am saying it's worth it. You are worth it. Did I ask for something wrong?
Friday, August 19, 2011
The Abused Woman's Guide to Getting Out (without kids)
This is not just for women. There are several men that have been abused. For teens under 18 this will only partially work because of the laws that often fail teens & children. These steps can be used if you are in any type of bad relationship.
The hardest part of getting out is having the money to do so. If you do not have friends or family because of your controlling significant other (S/O) has driven them away, getting enough can be a long hard process. Although technology can offer some relief. Every situation is different and anyone who says it is easy has never had to experience what you are going through. Just remember if you are reading this then there is a way, and you ARE strong enough to do this. Also remember when you are done with reading this to delete this from your history browser.
1. Start stashing away money. If you can't get it from friends or family, start with change from purchases here and there. You would be surprised how fast it adds up. If your s/o has you give them all the change and the to prove the change, start picking up change from the street.
2. If you can call without a trace (meaning not on a cell phone or anywhere it would show up on a bill your s/o can see) call around to find a credit union or bank that will open up a savings account that can be opened with a small amount. Many credit unions can do it for as little as $5. On your shopping trips (if you can get out alone) deposit your change or cash. DO NOT FORGET TO SET UP YOUR ACCOUNT TO ONLY ELECTRONIC STATEMENTS! When you do this do not forget to open an unknown email that has no connection to you whatsoever. Do not use your name, or anything that is your favorite that your s/o could pick up on.
3. When you have saved enough (which is the amount that you feel you can move away far enough to feel safe) don't hesitate. Next here's how you start to spend it. In my experience it takes a couple thousand, but it does add up very quickly especially when you get enough to start getting interest. Just try not to get your s/o angry. I will not say that you will be able to get out with out a few beatings but it is far better than staying and it getting worse.
The biggest part of a smooth leaving is to keep the status quo. You will need learn how to keep up appearances or it can get real dangerous really quick. If you also have been in an abusive relationship then you already know how to keep up the appearance. Very few abusers are open about what is going on.
1. Chances are if you are in a relationship where you are being controlled you are cut off from your family and friends and you aren't getting mail, or not enough for your s/o to notice if normally thrown away. So get a post office box. You're gonna need it. Give all the places you are going to the P.O. box. This keeps the regular mail you get coming to the house while all other mail you want to hide goes to the box.
2. Get a storage shed. I know these can be expensive but many of the places will give you a discount if you pay for 6 months to a year in advance. DO IT! I mean if you want out paying a little less than $1000 for a year to get out is cheaper than the doctor bills you are getting while staying.
3. Once you are into a storage unit, the real fun begins. You should note that if you truly want to get away then you are going to have to leave a lot things behind. Don't be afraid to do this. Possessions can be replaced, you can't be. Take the things you can't replace or may be hard for you to get with you. Remember if you have access to your birth certificate, social security card, passport or other important documents like such that they can be easily mailed to you PO box then placed in storage. You can do this when you are getting the mail, or if your s/o checks it when they get home or leave, then send it out when you are out. Remember they cannot watch you every second of the day (unless you got one of those crazy home security types). If you insist on taking things like furniture or things like movies or pictures then this can be tricky. Maybe start mentioning that you would like room for (something they want). Or you just don't feel like you need them any more (fluffing your s/o's ego often smooths and goes a long way). Say you are giving clothes to charity, so he can get you what he would like you to wear, and you'll drop them at the bin... Be creative but remember that your s/o isn't stupid and slow down your activities if they start asking questions. Getting out safe is the idea.
OK so you've moved all the things you need out and have money to go. What's next? You go but safely. Go while your s/o is at work... this is the fastest way especially if you cannot get all your stuff out. Don't pre-pack. If you have been together long enough sooner or later if you don't arouse their suspicions they will let you go on shopping runs or to church or other activities by yourself and that's the key. If you take the cell phone they gave you or any credit cards, ditch them. They are the fastest way to track you down. You wanna leave your old live behind. Hopefully when you leave your ex will get the hint and find someone new. Pray for this. You don't want anyone else to go through what you did but you need their attention somewhere else.
After You Are Out
Don't be afraid to reach out. Even if you have been isolated from your friends and family, they still love you. You are going to need them to talk to. If you are like me and have no one, then find a therapist or a support group or something where you feel safe to let it all out.
Starting over is hard, scary, even unnerving at times. It can be lonely. There will be times that you will want to go back. Not because you liked it, but it is what you know. Getting rid of the mind set that you are unwanted by anyone else, or unworthy of love; being unlovable to anyone else will stay with you for a long time. Remember these simple things that can be so hard to grasp
Of course these are just basic steps, and don't include any kids. If you have kids with your (or from another) partner these steps are are only part of it all. But that is another blog. Look for it coming soon.
I hope that this helps someone out there.
The hardest part of getting out is having the money to do so. If you do not have friends or family because of your controlling significant other (S/O) has driven them away, getting enough can be a long hard process. Although technology can offer some relief. Every situation is different and anyone who says it is easy has never had to experience what you are going through. Just remember if you are reading this then there is a way, and you ARE strong enough to do this. Also remember when you are done with reading this to delete this from your history browser.
Getting money
1. Start stashing away money. If you can't get it from friends or family, start with change from purchases here and there. You would be surprised how fast it adds up. If your s/o has you give them all the change and the to prove the change, start picking up change from the street.
2. If you can call without a trace (meaning not on a cell phone or anywhere it would show up on a bill your s/o can see) call around to find a credit union or bank that will open up a savings account that can be opened with a small amount. Many credit unions can do it for as little as $5. On your shopping trips (if you can get out alone) deposit your change or cash. DO NOT FORGET TO SET UP YOUR ACCOUNT TO ONLY ELECTRONIC STATEMENTS! When you do this do not forget to open an unknown email that has no connection to you whatsoever. Do not use your name, or anything that is your favorite that your s/o could pick up on.
3. When you have saved enough (which is the amount that you feel you can move away far enough to feel safe) don't hesitate. Next here's how you start to spend it. In my experience it takes a couple thousand, but it does add up very quickly especially when you get enough to start getting interest. Just try not to get your s/o angry. I will not say that you will be able to get out with out a few beatings but it is far better than staying and it getting worse.
The Slow Move
The biggest part of a smooth leaving is to keep the status quo. You will need learn how to keep up appearances or it can get real dangerous really quick. If you also have been in an abusive relationship then you already know how to keep up the appearance. Very few abusers are open about what is going on.
1. Chances are if you are in a relationship where you are being controlled you are cut off from your family and friends and you aren't getting mail, or not enough for your s/o to notice if normally thrown away. So get a post office box. You're gonna need it. Give all the places you are going to the P.O. box. This keeps the regular mail you get coming to the house while all other mail you want to hide goes to the box.
2. Get a storage shed. I know these can be expensive but many of the places will give you a discount if you pay for 6 months to a year in advance. DO IT! I mean if you want out paying a little less than $1000 for a year to get out is cheaper than the doctor bills you are getting while staying.
3. Once you are into a storage unit, the real fun begins. You should note that if you truly want to get away then you are going to have to leave a lot things behind. Don't be afraid to do this. Possessions can be replaced, you can't be. Take the things you can't replace or may be hard for you to get with you. Remember if you have access to your birth certificate, social security card, passport or other important documents like such that they can be easily mailed to you PO box then placed in storage. You can do this when you are getting the mail, or if your s/o checks it when they get home or leave, then send it out when you are out. Remember they cannot watch you every second of the day (unless you got one of those crazy home security types). If you insist on taking things like furniture or things like movies or pictures then this can be tricky. Maybe start mentioning that you would like room for (something they want). Or you just don't feel like you need them any more (fluffing your s/o's ego often smooths and goes a long way). Say you are giving clothes to charity, so he can get you what he would like you to wear, and you'll drop them at the bin... Be creative but remember that your s/o isn't stupid and slow down your activities if they start asking questions. Getting out safe is the idea.
OK so you've moved all the things you need out and have money to go. What's next? You go but safely. Go while your s/o is at work... this is the fastest way especially if you cannot get all your stuff out. Don't pre-pack. If you have been together long enough sooner or later if you don't arouse their suspicions they will let you go on shopping runs or to church or other activities by yourself and that's the key. If you take the cell phone they gave you or any credit cards, ditch them. They are the fastest way to track you down. You wanna leave your old live behind. Hopefully when you leave your ex will get the hint and find someone new. Pray for this. You don't want anyone else to go through what you did but you need their attention somewhere else.
After You Are Out
Starting over is hard, scary, even unnerving at times. It can be lonely. There will be times that you will want to go back. Not because you liked it, but it is what you know. Getting rid of the mind set that you are unwanted by anyone else, or unworthy of love; being unlovable to anyone else will stay with you for a long time. Remember these simple things that can be so hard to grasp
- You are not stupid.
- You are not ugly.
- You are not unworthy.
- You are not weak.
- Smart
- Strong
- Beautiful in every way
- Wonder
- Special
- You can do it by yourself
- Loved
Of course these are just basic steps, and don't include any kids. If you have kids with your (or from another) partner these steps are are only part of it all. But that is another blog. Look for it coming soon.
I hope that this helps someone out there.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
07/23/2008
My beloved told me today that I am a very passionate person. I show passion in the smallest things. He loves it. He loves that things that most people miss I see in detail on how beautiful it is. I absorb myself and speak with that passion and you know how I feel and what I love.
I told my beloved today that I love him. I told him that he was part of that passion that I share. He is part of the reason I smile. He is part of that happiness that I have. He knows that my son and him are the two things in this world that have been a blessing to me. That they are the reason I know God loves me, and no matter what happens in this life, that I am loved and never alone in this cold uncaring senseless world. Nothing says it better than the following:
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.
Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee.
Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee.
I told my beloved today that I love him. I told him that he was part of that passion that I share. He is part of the reason I smile. He is part of that happiness that I have. He knows that my son and him are the two things in this world that have been a blessing to me. That they are the reason I know God loves me, and no matter what happens in this life, that I am loved and never alone in this cold uncaring senseless world. Nothing says it better than the following:
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.
Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee.
Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
So True
THE TIME IS NOW authour unknown
If you are ever going to love me,
Love me now, while I can know
The sweet and tender feelings
Which from true affection flow
Love me now
While I am living.
Do not wait until I'm gone
And then have it chiseled into marble,
Sweet words on ice cold stone.
If you have tender thoughts of me
Please tell me now.
If you wait until I am sleeping
Never to awaken,
There will be death between us,
And I won't hear you then.
So, if you love me , even a little bit,
Let me know it while I am living
So I can treasure it.
If you are ever going to love me,
Love me now, while I can know
The sweet and tender feelings
Which from true affection flow
Love me now
While I am living.
Do not wait until I'm gone
And then have it chiseled into marble,
Sweet words on ice cold stone.
If you have tender thoughts of me
Please tell me now.
If you wait until I am sleeping
Never to awaken,
There will be death between us,
And I won't hear you then.
So, if you love me , even a little bit,
Let me know it while I am living
So I can treasure it.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Well kiddies
Someone locked me out of my yahoo, so if you wish to contact me leave me a message and at my alt email. If you don't know it, leave your email behind and I will get back to you.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Lists of questions
So I was thinking what is something good to ask when you really want to get to know someone? They say the deadly questions to ask someone that you are in a relationship with (or want be with) is about sex, religion, & politics. So I decided to make a list of things I would like to know. Of course additions to the lists are always great. So let's begin.
1) The absolute basic question. What is your favorite color? I know that is cheesy but I have always felt that favorite colors tell a little bit about a person. Black shows a deep hurt, pain, or saddness. Red is a passionate color, I find people who love this color are have very strong options about their life. Green is a bit laid back. There of course no right answer to this but it can show some insight.
2) What do you like to do for fun during your free time? This may not seem that deep but think of it this way if you like to sit down and stay home on friday night and the person you are seeing like to be at the bar all weekend and get drunk, then you are not going to be very happy together. On the other hand if you are a football fan and your honey hates it and rather play volleyball then while you both are sports fans then you still are going to find boredom.
3) Now the best thing to remember is even though all us adults do think about bedroom behaviors these kinda questions may not what you want to know first, unless you are not too serious about the person. So maybe that is the next best question... Are you looking for a serious relationship or are you just looking for fun right now? This is the one question that you need to be completely honest with yourself and the other person. Now men usually get scared when a woman asks this question because they get worried about losing their "freedom." Of course this irrational, I mean most guys' freedom is playing an online RPG
4) What kind of music do you listen to? Another question you may not think important but if I like Eminem and you like Garth Brooks then there may be a problem when trying to set a mood.
5) What kind of food do you like? or more important, are you allergic to any foods? If you can't eat carrots then there could be trouble if I get full veggies in the chicken fried rice. Hard to kiss when your date has a swollen face and needs a shot of benedryl.
6) What is your favorite season? That may also beg the queston, where did you grow up? Mainly because winter in New York and winter in Texas are NOT ANYTHING ALIKE!
7) What are three things you like about yourself? If you sweetie doesn't like themself how can they start to like others?
8) What are you looking for in another person? This kinda ties in with the "are you looking for a serious relationship" question. Even though you may not looking for a one night stand the type of person is very important otherwise you may have a small series of one-night stands with someone you are completely incompatable.
9) I know it is kinda deep but do you ever want to marry (or if they were married, do you want to marry again)?
10) Now that you cover some of the basics now you can answer more personal questions, such as comparing interest, bedroom behavors. It is always good to get a foundation before bothering to go any farther.
Now here is a start. The rest is truly up to you.
1) The absolute basic question. What is your favorite color? I know that is cheesy but I have always felt that favorite colors tell a little bit about a person. Black shows a deep hurt, pain, or saddness. Red is a passionate color, I find people who love this color are have very strong options about their life. Green is a bit laid back. There of course no right answer to this but it can show some insight.
2) What do you like to do for fun during your free time? This may not seem that deep but think of it this way if you like to sit down and stay home on friday night and the person you are seeing like to be at the bar all weekend and get drunk, then you are not going to be very happy together. On the other hand if you are a football fan and your honey hates it and rather play volleyball then while you both are sports fans then you still are going to find boredom.
3) Now the best thing to remember is even though all us adults do think about bedroom behaviors these kinda questions may not what you want to know first, unless you are not too serious about the person. So maybe that is the next best question... Are you looking for a serious relationship or are you just looking for fun right now? This is the one question that you need to be completely honest with yourself and the other person. Now men usually get scared when a woman asks this question because they get worried about losing their "freedom." Of course this irrational, I mean most guys' freedom is playing an online RPG
4) What kind of music do you listen to? Another question you may not think important but if I like Eminem and you like Garth Brooks then there may be a problem when trying to set a mood.
5) What kind of food do you like? or more important, are you allergic to any foods? If you can't eat carrots then there could be trouble if I get full veggies in the chicken fried rice. Hard to kiss when your date has a swollen face and needs a shot of benedryl.
6) What is your favorite season? That may also beg the queston, where did you grow up? Mainly because winter in New York and winter in Texas are NOT ANYTHING ALIKE!
7) What are three things you like about yourself? If you sweetie doesn't like themself how can they start to like others?
8) What are you looking for in another person? This kinda ties in with the "are you looking for a serious relationship" question. Even though you may not looking for a one night stand the type of person is very important otherwise you may have a small series of one-night stands with someone you are completely incompatable.
9) I know it is kinda deep but do you ever want to marry (or if they were married, do you want to marry again)?
10) Now that you cover some of the basics now you can answer more personal questions, such as comparing interest, bedroom behavors. It is always good to get a foundation before bothering to go any farther.
Now here is a start. The rest is truly up to you.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Fuck my birthday
So the day was awesome until I came home. First I find an email from my ex-husband, oh yea always a joy. Then the bitching started. So I left. Called my friend Katy up and hung with her for a bit, got her hooked up with one of my friends. Nice to know someone is gonna get laid. I realized that this is getting pathetic. It doesn't matter how much I try to improve myself, or how hard to try to be nice or good, I get shite upon by the people I live with. It's like trying to please a colic baby. No shutting them up. You give advise, you are trying to start a fight. You do something nice, they expected you to do it anyway. It's my birthday and I am alone. I have half a mind to go sit outside my one friend's door, never knocking so I won't disturb him, but I need out. My cake sits in the icebox. My beer is there too. God this day sux, I can't wait for it to end.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Life is Always Beautiful When You're on Morphine
Hello kiddies,
So you may ask yourself if Val hasn't ran away and joined a convent. I haven't talked to anyone in a week. Well don't worry, I am not a nun. Worse I have been in the hospital. Yep, the "simple day surgery" that was scheduled for next month, turned into emerency surgery with complications that left me in the hospital for five long days. I shouldn't say that, the surgery didn't keep me long about 3 days. Of course they had to battle a 103.3 fever to get me into surgery first, then made sure it stayed down before releasing me Tuesday afternoon. Well Tuesday night I had to go back when the fever kicked up to 101.7, then 101.3, then 102.9, then hospitalization. No real surprise when the doctor said oh you're sick. Thanks doc, what you just spent another two grand to tell me that? So re-admitted into haspital and I just got out on Friday afternoon. At least I don't have to eat anymore super-greasy foods there anymore. I never been to a hospital where I think the main ingredsiate of all the foods cooked was lard. The irony of it is all is that I couldn't get butter there. They gave me that heart smart spread. OMG, grease dripped off the food, but butter was the no-no? Go figure. Well long story short, I am better, whatever that is. On two anti-biotics, on potassium (which dropped near nothing after surgery) and they great thing is I get pain pills. Now anyone who knows me that pain pills to me are oddly shaped titly-winks. They keep pushing this pills on me and I keep shredding the prescriptions. If America ever wonders why there are so many pill-poppers in this country then look at how we manage pain after surgery or accidents. I choose to tough most pain out, I know when to give, but otherwise I won't do it. But it is so overly-prescribed it is rediculous. Well I really am not up for a rant, still weak from it all, so I will leave it here.
Everyone take care of yourselves. TTFN.
Next info will be on my "mircle." Leave you wondering on that til it is fully finished!
So you may ask yourself if Val hasn't ran away and joined a convent. I haven't talked to anyone in a week. Well don't worry, I am not a nun. Worse I have been in the hospital. Yep, the "simple day surgery" that was scheduled for next month, turned into emerency surgery with complications that left me in the hospital for five long days. I shouldn't say that, the surgery didn't keep me long about 3 days. Of course they had to battle a 103.3 fever to get me into surgery first, then made sure it stayed down before releasing me Tuesday afternoon. Well Tuesday night I had to go back when the fever kicked up to 101.7, then 101.3, then 102.9, then hospitalization. No real surprise when the doctor said oh you're sick. Thanks doc, what you just spent another two grand to tell me that? So re-admitted into haspital and I just got out on Friday afternoon. At least I don't have to eat anymore super-greasy foods there anymore. I never been to a hospital where I think the main ingredsiate of all the foods cooked was lard. The irony of it is all is that I couldn't get butter there. They gave me that heart smart spread. OMG, grease dripped off the food, but butter was the no-no? Go figure. Well long story short, I am better, whatever that is. On two anti-biotics, on potassium (which dropped near nothing after surgery) and they great thing is I get pain pills. Now anyone who knows me that pain pills to me are oddly shaped titly-winks. They keep pushing this pills on me and I keep shredding the prescriptions. If America ever wonders why there are so many pill-poppers in this country then look at how we manage pain after surgery or accidents. I choose to tough most pain out, I know when to give, but otherwise I won't do it. But it is so overly-prescribed it is rediculous. Well I really am not up for a rant, still weak from it all, so I will leave it here.
Everyone take care of yourselves. TTFN.
Next info will be on my "mircle." Leave you wondering on that til it is fully finished!
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